Before I got married I asked many other married women how they knew that they were about to marry the right person. I wanted to be sure I took the right step. Today many girls ask me the same thing. If our heart is to do Gods will and to please Him in all our ways, we will also be very concerned about whom we marry.
For a woman, your whole future will be affected by the one you choose to have by your side. I’m not saying that your whole future is dependent on whom you marry. God has given you a free will to marry whomever you want, and He will make sure He fulfills His plans and purposes over your life if you only love Him and walk in His will. But the fact is still that it is very important whom you choose to be your life-partner. I would say that the direction of your life will be very much affected by your choice of husband. My life has been dramatically changed after marriage in two ways, geographically, (I moved from Sweden to India) and culturally, I will have to embrace a new culture and a new thinking. We women are followers, we like to follow our husband and be his helper. We like to have someone whom we can trust, and in a way put our whole life in his hands.
Some people say that God has only one specific person prepared for you, and others say that there is a variety of men that God has prepared so that you can freely chose whomever you want, and God will bless your choice. I cannot say what is right or wrong in this question. I don’t know if some people might have a wider choice than others, but if I look at my own life I know for sure that this is a marriage that God intended from the beginning, and that there is absolutely no one else for me.
How do I know it’s the right one?
So how can I know that I am about to marry the right person? That’s a question you might ask as a single woman. Well I must admit that I didn’t know anything in the beginning. It was not like an angel that came down from heaven, blew his trumpet and said “This is your husband!”. For me it took time to dare to take the step. But to my help I had some clear requirements that I myself had written down about my future husband (you need to know what you want, in order to understand when you have found it). He needed to be totally in love with God, a man after Gods own heart, walk in a close relationship with Jesus Christ and care a lot about people. Secondly God Himself had revealed to me a few things, and on top of that I am blessed by being a part of a wonderful church who gives very good and wise advices about these things.
So when Donnie came into my life I recognized many things from my requirements and “lists”, and I got a feeling it could be from God, so I took the advise from my friend and surrendered myself in fasting and prayer for some time, and I gave God an honest chance to speak to me. Please understand that no matter how much God wants to bless you with a life-partner, it is not going to happen unless you put it down at his feet and give Him a chance to say His opinion.
Why ask God?
People say sometimes that you shouldn’t involve God too much in your choice of a life-partner “It is you who’s gonna live with the man, not God“. But I don’t agree with this. Of course you have a free will to choose whomever you want, but I believe that something which is so important that it will affect your whole future, shouldn’t be decided outside Gods counsel. Well, if the man says he has heard from God, and you have not, whether he is a great prophet or not, don’t go for it! Let the Holy Spirit Himself speak to you and convince you, and make sure he is someone you want to live the rest of your life with.
But even when you know it is from God, don’t simply jump into it. Take time to get to know each others views about marriage and family. Find out his background, what kind of temperament he has and his thoughts about the future. Don’t throw yourself into something you will regret, just because you had a word from God. There are many great men and women of God, and people I personally know as well who got a prophesy or a word about their marriage, and still it failed.
I would also like to say that even if the relationship is from God, it is only after a few years that you can see the fruit of it. I haven’t been married even one year yet, so I cannot speak out of my own experience claiming to have a perfect marriage. But I do know that many “God-birthed-marriages” have failed and many have succeeded. We have a responsibility to make it work, and what we need to do is to daily crucify our flesh, and desire to fill each others deepest needs and be sensitive to the Holy Spirit if there is anything in our lives we need to change.
What do I do if I have failed?
There is no such thing as a hopeless case. If you think you have married the wrong person, don’t be discouraged! Once you are married, he will be the right one for you and God will make it beautiful. Make a decision to not let the word “divorce” even exist in your vocabulary, don’t even think about it! God is an almighty God who will make a way where there seems to be no way. He will use you where you are, to glorify His name on earth. The bible tells us not to yoke ourselves with unbelievers, but even if it so is that you have ended up with an unbeliever God can still do miracles. My dad became a believer after ten years of marriage, and now my whole family are serving the Lord in Sweden.